so so so..what??

so these past few days have been weird and awesome all at the same time. :)
i won't say anything more for the risk of it getting out and into the world.
but i'm putting doubt and skepticism aside for the moment and enjoying the attention.
and yes, i am enjoying it.

my will be done, it is my choice.

i don't know why i love this song so much.
maybe its the music.
maybe its the message behind the song.
i don't know, but i want to share it with you.

i'm pretty frustrated.

so maybe it's a lot harder than i thought.
i really am trying. but i'm tired all the time.
i'm reading my bible more, and thinking about God
all the time.

but what i want most of all is an
actual physical relationship with someone.
someone to talk and laugh with,
spend time with,
someone i can trust and who actually listens to me.
i just want a companion. because i'm tired of being lonely.

sometimes i wonder

well, it has been a while. i guess habits can actually die quite easily.
um, basics:
i miss dallas friends.
i miss going to garland first.
things are getting smoother in austin.
i'm still making mistakes.
i'm getting closer and closer to buying a car.
and it seems like i want to be capable of loving someone.
geez, not that again.

too long.

geez, it has been way to long since i've written anything. basically i've been transitioning into austin. today i looked for jobs.
things are getting easier at the house. i'm attempting to lose weight. my ipod broke. (want to buy me one for my birthday??)
and i miss every single one of my friends.

my mood is way better, but i'm still feeling the stress. but hey, things have been worse, it can only get better from here.

i'm currently remembering a song i used to sing when i was in the church choir:
"the best is yet to come
the best is yet to come
oh, the best is yet to come"

and you better believe that i am holding onto that promise. i don't know where i am going this year. i don't know how i'm going to end up, where, or when. but i am definitely starting to take life a little more seriously.
but that doesn't mean that i can't have fun...

samantha

moving away.

gosh, i'm going to miss everyone and everything.
i'm going to miss this feeling.
i'm going to miss you. and the fact that i couldn't be honest with myself and you.
i'm sorry. i love you.



samantha

here we go.

i'm going to move to austin on saturday. how i feel about it??? i don't know. i'm incredibly sad. excited to see what comes next, but definitely going to miss all of my friends.
i could name you all, all the people who've left an impact on my life. but at the risk of forgetting someone's name, i'll resist the temptation.
anyway, this is the first journal entry i'm making in this particular blog.
oh, and i'm in desperate need of some money. i'm broke, no joke.
i'm starting my photography business after i break out with the website. or vise versa.
i'm realizing that i had a lot of fake friends. friends that came and then went. but i have a lot more real friends. young and old. :)
even though some are doing things that i wish they wouldn't, i love them too much to judge them.
(i'm here for you no matter what. i'll love you, i'll listen to you, i'll play around with you.)

anyway, a new life is about to start.
a six month long process.
i don't know where i'm going to end up exactly.
i don't know how much i'm going to change.
but i'm going to strive for bigger and better.
(except my waistline, of course. hopefully that'll shrink a little bit.)

so this is it. a goodbye and a hello.
i love you guys,
samantha marie gannon