pale and lonely
in a room full of nothing
i can peek through the blinds
and hope for the sun rise
my eyes feel as if they’re no longer blue.
dazed and lost, i know where i am.
scrambled thoughts, i can’t catch them.
for now, its seems as though it wasn’t worth it.
mistakes, i make them daily, hourly.
just did it again, just did it again, just did it again.
Jesus, i think, by now, You’re tired of hearing my excuses.
for compared to Your judgement, they’re useless.
so all i can say, is nothing.
beg. cry.
close
my
eyes
and
sleep.
Saturday, February 7
Wednesday, February 4
i forgot again today.
i watch the ceiling at night.
shadows flicker and fight.
until i close my eyes and find
myself dreaming again.
i hate these lies.
i try to run and hide.
but i know that's just life.
and i cry cold tears inside.
my thoughts are all mine.
they move and they change all the time.
they focus as sharp as a knife.
they cut my heart to pieces.
i ask Jesus for His time.
to fix feet broken and eyes blind.
He asks me instead for my mind.
my will breaks at His feet.
and i still feel it,
this dark blanket inside of my lungs.
but i still reach out,
and remind my mouth to keep moving
and to play the record til the end.
shadows flicker and fight.
until i close my eyes and find
myself dreaming again.
i hate these lies.
i try to run and hide.
but i know that's just life.
and i cry cold tears inside.
my thoughts are all mine.
they move and they change all the time.
they focus as sharp as a knife.
they cut my heart to pieces.
i ask Jesus for His time.
to fix feet broken and eyes blind.
He asks me instead for my mind.
my will breaks at His feet.
and i still feel it,
this dark blanket inside of my lungs.
but i still reach out,
and remind my mouth to keep moving
and to play the record til the end.
Sunday, February 1
bicycles and sidewalks.
sidewalk chalk and bubble gum,
sweet smells and tangled hair.
does life really ever matter
more than we seem to care?
this is the sound of sunlight and sunburns,
wishes that children make
and adults reminisce upon.
i remember tall green grass and
rough roads that i ran upon.
big green trees that bats slept in
was my hideout, my fortress, my kingdom.
and now, i have no place to lay my head.
and nowhere to call home.
sweet smells and tangled hair.
does life really ever matter
more than we seem to care?
this is the sound of sunlight and sunburns,
wishes that children make
and adults reminisce upon.
i remember tall green grass and
rough roads that i ran upon.
big green trees that bats slept in
was my hideout, my fortress, my kingdom.
and now, i have no place to lay my head.
and nowhere to call home.
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