what was i thinking?

i can't even be honest with myself.
i don't know where to go.
i'm broken.
and i feel panicked.
because i just realized that i don't know where my life is going.
somebody please tell me what to do.
somebody please tell me where to go.
everything seems meaningless all of a sudden.
God, did i do this to myself?
did i really walk away from You?
i want what i can't have
and i pray for things that won't happen
so where do i go from here?
i want a love that needs no explanation.
more than romance, i desire intimacy.

i remember you and your funny ways
i remember your laugh and the way you made me smile
we weren't ready then
or perhaps we weren't right for each other
but that doesn't mean that i didn't fake what i felt
and i can't convince myself otherwise.
regardless of my motives, i gave you a piece of my heart
foolish, or otherwise. and i hope you never read this
because i couldn't bear to tell you this in person.
it breaks me, every time i think about it.
the things that were said, the promises that were broken.
and i think i'll spend the rest of my life wondering about you.
if you're doing ok, or if your missing a small piece of yourself.
just like me.