church bulletin

slow heartbeats rhythm through tired veins
and ragged breaths are done in vain.
start. stop. fast, pause.
the choice is yours,
i can't decide at all.

playing with your hair

i saw your well dressed formalities
come up and watched were we had familiarities.
i thought it was all too good to be true.
and i took another second glance,
compared it to what i had seen last.
you took my words and you turned it into thread.
but i can hold your hand and i understand what you feel.
you've been scared to tell me something
even though said really nothing.
i've asked you, 'what do you want me to do for you?'
and you went off and ran to hide for nothing better.
the futile attempts only made you dirtier.
so now, you come to me filthy instead.
but i can hold your hand and i understand what you feel.

i don't want to sleep.

apathy.
its contagious and unfortunate.
causes one to count minutes
until sleep comes.
i can hear you breathing,
my personal bedtime story,
body wrapped up in warmth
and i still feel, it just doesn't register
anymore.
la la la
the room's quiet creaking becomes angelic
i wait for the light to come early
in the hour between darkness and daylight.
but as for now, your soft sleeping eyes
are all i want to watch.

heartfelt unspoken.

eyes shut tight, they are searching inside.
feet fidgeting, wanting to move to where you are
lungs cease breathing, its hard to remember
when i breath you in
inside.
wandering thoughts, pure and dreaming.
i cannot tell you how i feel.
and i, well, i couldn't guess if you felt the same.
nothing can really change.
my fingers play this game
where they pretend to hold yours.
you're the first one that i considered real,
and i don't want to leave until i know for sure.

forfeit the inevitable just a little longer

orange carpet
fans on with the windows open
close your eyes and listen to the music
there's something in the way the beat plays
it makes you want to lie there forever.
you hear the humming and singing.
just you and the one you want to be with,
you don't want it to change
the air is stale and there's smoke near the ceiling.
life couldn't be more perfect
your mind usually races, but at this moment,
nothing else exists.

stiff and stolen.

pale and lonely
in a room full of nothing
i can peek through the blinds
and hope for the sun rise
my eyes feel as if they’re no longer blue.
dazed and lost, i know where i am.
scrambled thoughts, i can’t catch them.
for now, its seems as though it wasn’t worth it.
mistakes, i make them daily, hourly.
just did it again, just did it again, just did it again.
Jesus, i think, by now, You’re tired of hearing my excuses.
for compared to Your judgement, they’re useless.
so all i can say, is nothing.
beg. cry.
close
my
eyes
and
sleep.

i forgot again today.

i watch​ the ceili​ng at night​.​
shado​ws flick​er and fight​.​
until​ i close​ my eyes and find
mysel​f dream​ing again​.​
i hate these​ lies.​
i try to run and hide.​
but i know that'​s just life.​
and i cry cold tears​ insid​e.​
my thoug​hts are all mine.​
they move and they chang​e all the time.​
they focus​ as sharp​ as a knife​.​
they cut my heart​ to piece​s.​
i ask Jesus​ for His time.​
to fix feet broke​n and eyes blind​.​
He asks me inste​ad for my mind.​
my will break​s at His feet.​
and i still​ feel it,
this dark blank​et insid​e of my lungs​.​
but i still​ reach​ out,
and remin​d my mouth​ to keep movin​g
and to play the recor​d til the end.