just what the heck am i supposed to do?

frozen hands tense from fear
and to think that i could do this alone
i wonder what you would think of me now
i'm helpless and yet i'm still proud
so foolish and on the verge of breaking
as painful as this is, i hear in the distance
a promise that brings life so warm
and i long to rest my bruised feet
but i still have to walk the rest of the road
but i can't forget that i have a shepherd.

as i was collapsing,

i paused and figured that i could have prevented
these consequences and painful memories
but now its too late and i wish i had the right words to say
but just stumbling through my mind won't make one difference
i simply fall and wait for a sign to rise up and keep on
to the One who gives me grace, to the One who keeps me strong.

oh pitiful

poor wretched child with bleeding hands
come to save yourself and back again
you've been fooled into thinking
little black lies, free and for the taking
with broken feet, you've been crawling
back into the arms of Mercy.

fallen and broken on the ground

a piercing awakening from a fitful sleep
i've suddenly realize that this isn't what i've worked for
or perhaps this is the very thing that i didn't want all along
so why did i...wait, its not important anymore.
so where do i go from here? oh, how i wish i had someone to hold my hand
to help me fight. someone here and now. a smile that could be contagious
and chase away my anxiety and fears. someone real and here.
someone i can believe in. for what's the point in wasting my time
with a sleeping corpse to lead me back to bed?
no, i want LIFE! i want AIR!


i want you.

when in fact, i don't have any

are you real?
are you true?
can it be that i've been wrong all along?
are you there?
can you hear me?
are you listening to me when i call?
is it truth?
can it change me?
will i be different or not change at all?

i can't tell the difference anymore

and i don't get it.
i need someone to explain this to me; someone to talk to about this
there are so many words that i wish to be free from and
yet i stay closed tighter than a safe with no code or brass key
this wall is not breaking and the air is running thin but
can i keep complaining and expect things to be different?
can anyone hear me? is someone there who understands
what it feels like to be a person inside an imaginary prison cell?
so many things i long to feel again, love, and completion.
i read it, write it, sing it, preach it, and yet i don't live by it.
i want to be on the other side of the line between mediocrity and significance.
the place where you are free and broken all at the same time.
i want to walk with a limp and be blessed by God.
i want to wrestle until either i or my environment is changed for the better.

dear, you've been so lost

you wish you had the answers to the pages of questions
you've spent all night thinking of everything else but
right before you fall asleep, you see images of what
you wonder is love that is worth searching for
you run into this question again and again,
is it worth putting yourself last and running with reckless abandon?
because that is that love worth dreaming of, praying for
a love that erases all fear and reminds you that you're in the right place.

how do we know?

how will we ever know?
what else is there to say?
what else is there to do?
what more can we accomplish,
if everyone's a fool?