i'm not afraid to let you shine

i'll walk with you until you can walk on your own.
i'll be here to listen to you until you run out of words to say.
and you know what?
nothing you could do will ever change that.

God is love. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

what was i thinking?

i can't even be honest with myself.
i don't know where to go.
i'm broken.
and i feel panicked.
because i just realized that i don't know where my life is going.
somebody please tell me what to do.
somebody please tell me where to go.
everything seems meaningless all of a sudden.
God, did i do this to myself?
did i really walk away from You?
i want what i can't have
and i pray for things that won't happen
so where do i go from here?
i want a love that needs no explanation.
more than romance, i desire intimacy.

i remember you and your funny ways
i remember your laugh and the way you made me smile
we weren't ready then
or perhaps we weren't right for each other
but that doesn't mean that i didn't fake what i felt
and i can't convince myself otherwise.
regardless of my motives, i gave you a piece of my heart
foolish, or otherwise. and i hope you never read this
because i couldn't bear to tell you this in person.
it breaks me, every time i think about it.
the things that were said, the promises that were broken.
and i think i'll spend the rest of my life wondering about you.
if you're doing ok, or if your missing a small piece of yourself.
just like me.

somewhere hiding underneath

i'm buried here, among the living and the dead
those who've given up, and those who don't know they're asleep.
and i'm reaching out one more time to breath in air
but its no longer there. and now, i'm afraid to reach out again.
for what if help isn't there? i'm the desperate reaching for salvation.
its times like these that swearing would make me feel better,
but in order to maintain my moral values, i'll restrain myself.
but then, why do i hold onto these morals? these ideas of what
i think pleases God?
there is a dryness in my mouth, and i have named it Doubt.
no, i haven't fallen away, but i seem to have dropped my flashlight.
and i don't think stepping away will help me, but it looks ever so inviting.
perhaps this is a cry for help.
i need someone to hold me.

raw

i hate your smile and your silence.
i've grown to be disgusted by your conditioned conversation.
and i don't think i feel bad for it either.
because i remember the days we used to laugh and have fun
and now you've grown old and bitter.

closer to me (i'm laying everything on the line)

i'm trying not to be awkward
but i can't help but watch you
swaying to the music in your head
i want to sway with you
i wish you would look at me too
i want you closer to me
i want you closer to me
do you know that my heart would stop
if you grabbed my hand or
if you held me against you
i'll think too hard to
figure out something to say to you
just to hear you say something too.
oh, i want you closer to me
oh, i want you closer
and nothing makes sense anymore
now, nothing makes sense anymore
and when you hug me
i can feel your heartbeat
and for a moment, i
can dream again..

oh, compulsive liar

why are you so afraid to breathe?
is it because you're everything you're not?
is it because you can't ever see?
i can see right through you.
and honestly, i love that inner truth.
beyond the lies, beyond the walls.
don't be afraid to talk to me.

it feeds my soul

and just like it should be
therefore, it is.
and regardless of the means,
the outcome is so much sweeter
than that of the broken storm glass windows.
sometimes i don't understand the
simple contractions that occur in my mind
should i ignore them or accurately name
each and every moment that focuses to play?

windchimes

help me close the shutters
the rain is going to get in
mother doesn't like the cold
she can't handle the wind
i can fly over the world
i can sway with the shooting stars
the moon is my goal
and the trees are my dance floor
hum to me so softly
sing silent words in my ears
twilight is my daytime
the sun puts me to sleep
i can go on and on forever
my mother cries to me
she tells me to come inside
the rain is going to get in and
mother doesn't like the cold
she can't handle the wind